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Sunday, September 5th, 2010
Rants by Blakey |
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. : : MSN Messenger 7: A Constructive Deconstruction |
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By: Andrew Blakey
ENVS Geography Major
University of Waterloo
Please refer to the picture below and each point labeled therein for this rant.
Microsoft Messenger 7. Probably the single most whored out piece of software on the planet. Even for Microsoft standards, this one is pretty fucking bad. In the past, we all know how Microsoft has tried to rape our electronic anal crevaces with advertising and other "features" that nobody asked for.
1. A list of "easy to use" tabs for anything that you could possibly need. Look! It's a link to ebay, the Yellowpages, some homosexual space man in a pink suit, and my favourite, ACTIVE LIVING! Irony at its finest. I thought I was using an instant messenger service, not a damn adware toolbar. If I wanted ANY of these things, I'd take the extra half-second to click on Firefox and go to them.
1.1 Look, There isn't even enough space on the screen without scroll buttons to display all the consumer advertising they are trying to shove up your ass. Better get the rib spreaders, this one ain't gonna fit.
2. My personal message. To think that a 128 character name was not enough to whore myself to all my retarded friends. Thanks Microsoft! Now I can be even more of an e-prostitute, but this time, in Italics form! Oh without this, I wouldn't have ever known that Jackie there is currently "fuckin" sleep. I guess people fuck anything these days.
3. My MSN Space. I didn't click this thing and I don't even dare know what it is. My intuition is that it's like a cheap Microsoft knockoff to Myspace or Xanga. I'm sure it's widely used. Oh wait! Of course it's not! That's why we have to forcefully encourage MSN users to use it and not others. Even more room to whore to my depressed, goth friends about my crappy day! Perfect.
4. MSN Today. You know that annoying piece-of-shit popup you got every time you started MSN? You remember how accomplished you felt when you found the option to turn it off? Well guess what? Just in case you want it back, a button has been added for ease. This option can go holocaust itself.
5. Ah yes, the Customer Experience Improvement Program. More like the Customer Self-Sodimizing Program. This is a nice way of saying, "we want your personal information like websites you've visited in the past." Yes, all the websites you've gone to. They want to know what you like to look at so they can add more advertising for those things. Since old capitalist farts can't act or even think young, they make you do the work for them. This "program" would be declared as spyware or in some cases a virus if it was not integrated by Microsoft into Messenger. They also called the Nazi death camps "concentration" camps, but like this program, I don't think much concentration actually went on there.
6. Advertising. Well, sort of. Right now it is just reminding you that yes, you are in fact using a Microsoft application. I don't know if this is intended by the developers to be a subliminal slap in the face or not. What I do know is that when it is showing advertisements, 99.9% of the time it does not in any way fit my demographic or location. Click here to get a FREE* iPod Video! Not only are you whoring advertising, you're whoring advertising for a product made by your competition.
7. Search bar. If I didn't have enough of these little shits already. If I wanted to search for something, I damn well would; with a WEB BROWSER! That is what it's there for, you know. I guess Microsoft shudders so much at the thought of me using Firefox and Google to search something, that they try to make me use IE and their crappy search engine.
8. That star. I don't like that star one bit. Be gone, star.
9. The MSN Whore. Everyone has one of these on their list. People with absolutely retarded names need to be filtered/censored. All characters outside the typical ASCII range should not be allowed. Whoring your name is like putting on too much blush, you just make yourself look like a hooker. The point is to be a hooker and not look like one. Good job, you fail.
10. Last but not least, the MSN Logo. If I forgot what application I was using, I could just look up there and my memory would be restored. Oh what harmony this brings! Seriously, this is almost as bad as novels. Why does a novel have to have it's name on every single page? I KNOW WHAT FUCKING BOOK I'M READING, THANKS! I also know what IM I am using. Obey Big Brother.
In conclusion, if this is the way our applications are going, I do not wish to live to see what the internet will be like in 30 years. Microsoft needs to learn a lesson on how the business solution is not having a bunch of old, white men trying to figure out what's "cool" and "hip" these days. You want to know what jives with the internet user? Not having advertising and whore-like features being shoved up our ass every step we take on the internet.
I bid you Good Day, Mr. Gates.
Shove it.
| Tanqueray |
02/06/2009 10:55 PM |
Gareth--
A) This is a rant. It's not supposed to be logical. Try one sometime.
B) The point of said rant is not how easy or not it is to get rid of annoying features. It's that these "features" exist in the first place. It's about what they represent, if you will. Ads, inconvenience, and capitalism, to be dramatic. Like, why are most of these things on a messenger program?
I could say something about your choice of the word moaning. But I'll let you "work out how to get rid of some of the stuff for yourself". |
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| Gareth |
04/25/2006 04:59 AM |
Re: points 1, 4 & 5.
Before ranting about all this s---, do a little research. You can remove all of these things, without downloading any patches, within MSN messenger.
1. Tabs are removed by going to Tools > Options > Security > "This is a shared computer so don't display my tabs" (Tick)
4. The POPUP of MSN Today (whic is by far more annoying than then button letting up open it) does not pop up when you sign in if you go to Tools > Options > General > "Display MSN Today when Messenger signs in" (Untick)
5. Click on that mesage once, then select "no", OK it, and it will never appear for that account again (Unless you sign on on another computer, I think)
Quit moaning and use your brain to work out how to get rid of some of the stuff for yourself. |
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| =^.-= |
04/19/2006 08:29 PM |
| dam right, msn is the worst app to come from microsoft for a long time, its soo s--- on the mac to, its slow, it chrashes and it just a all round s--- program on all Os platforms, get Mercury messinger. |
disclaimer:
the comments posted throughout my site are submitted by other users.
the things said are not endorsed by me, and do not represent my opinion.
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The views and opinions expressed on this page are strictly those of Andrew Blakey.
Mom, don't get mad at me for his foul tongue. I'm just the messenger.
This Article is Copyright © 2010 Andrew Blakey.
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